Turning 18
Call me paranoid but every time I get a call from a family member at odd hours (like early morning or late at night) my heart drops. My initial response is “Uh-Oh. Who died?” Not sure why I’m programmed to think that way but it’s something I’m working on to change as one of my 2020 resolutions. Be more positive! Think lovely thoughts! Perhaps I’m channeling Maria Von Trap with that last reference, but whatever works right?
Having two children out of the house (one in college, the other finishing up senior year at boarding school) I thought my job would be somewhat easier given the day to day minutia of parenting lessened with only one kid living at home. Boy was I wrong. Even when your kids are out of the house, our job as parents still continues. Sounds like common sense I know, but it’s something to easily forget once you get adjusted to the new dynamic in your household. Let me explain with a recent event that happened with our daughter while at boarding school.
After receiving a distressing call (in the middle of the night no less) that she was not feeling well and needed to get checked out, my daughter decided to head to the hospital accompanied by her school advisor. After numerous tests it was determined that she should stay the evening to be monitored. Turns out her potassium level was dangerously low. My daughter has been suffering with stomach pains as long as her mom and I can remember. No doctor seems to be able to diagnose the reason for her pain. Irritable bowel Syndrome (IBS) and small intestinal bacterial overgrowth or SIBO were potential culprits for her condition but no definitive results proved either. Regardless, something was not right and we needed to get to the bottom of it. Cut to an important piece of information every parent should know. Once your child turns 18, you as a parent are no longer able to access their medical information according to HIPPA laws. Therefore you need to fill out a medical consent form that needs to be notarized in order to access your child’s medical information and be an advocate on their behalf. This was news to me and my wife. We learned about this from a friend who had gone through a similar experience with her daughters. While this information is usually listed on college websites it is easily overlooked since our children are usually the ones accessing said websites and filling out the applications. So if you are a parent reading this, mark your calendar on the day your kid turns 18 and make sure you get those forms filled out. You do not want to be left helpless when your child needs you the most.
Ok so there’s that. Now onto a sensitive subject that definitely needs to be addressed with our young adult children no matter how uncomfortable the topic may be...sex. It’s fascinating to me how much wisdom my children seemed to gain at the very moment they turned 18. At every attempt to address this very topic the response I’d received was almost always “Dad I know, I know!” (cue the eye roll.) But even though “they know” do they really understand the consequences? What am I talking about? Having sex with a partner under the age of 18 is considered statutory rape and can mean jail time for the accuser. While the law was designed to protect children from sexual predators, this is one condition where the law can catch your child in the middle of a serious offense. The last thing you want is your child to be registered as a sex offender. It can happen depending on the laws in your state. Don’t wait until it’s too late to find out. You do not want to have this conversation for the first time with your child behind bars. Sounds intense I know but it’s a reality.
Preparation is the number one key to successful parenting, at least it has been for me. So make sure you dot all your i’s and cross all your t’s by adding these two important tasks to your list before your kids leave the house for life on their own. While they may look, feel and even act like adults (at times) more often than not they can always use the guidance and advice us dads (and moms) have to offer. Even when they think they got it all under control.